By: Jessica Miller
The past few weeks I have felt God lay on my heart to rise in my walk with Him. I have felt God pull on me to draw closer to Him and do more in my walk with Him than I ever have before. At first, I was all for it but putting it into action is a whole lot harder. I felt the weight of school, work, and exhaustion from work on me. I would want to spend time with God but I would have other things I needed to do. I began to grow frustrated with God that He would give me such a task to spend even more time with Him. I felt like I didn’t have the time to spend with Him and that it was unfair of Him to ask me to do something that I couldn’t fulfill. After about a month of this pushing my time with God off, I realized that I had been pushing myself away from God. I would pray about it but I would never feel better about it until I noticed a Pentecostal magazine in my car and I picked it up. I turned it to a random page and before I read anything I prayed, “Lord, I feel as if my desire for you has been fading. Please place a deep desire in my heart for you that’ll cause me to draw closer to you”. Then I looked at the page and the first thing on the page was a scripture that said if anyone desires to follow me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. Naturally, I started weeping. I kept reading and it began to talk about us wearing crosses on our shoulders. The author said to imagine that you have a big cross on your shoulder and you come to a door in which your cross doesn’t fit. You have a decision to make. You either set your cross down and enter or keep your cross and walk away. Once I read this, I realized I had been putting my cross down over and over by spending more time sleeping and working than spending time with God. Again, I started weeping and apologizing for my actions and God swept in and gave me peace.